This is an extremely personal side of me that I haven't previously shared on the blog, but just to help anyone else out there stuggling, I decided to be completely honest. I think my weight gain started my junior year of College. I was in Dallas at UNT, away from my family and Ryan and pretty much unhappy. I let my eating get out of control and didn't exercise AT all. Ryan and I were so happy together and I think I got to comfortable in our relationship. Meaning, I knew we were committed to each other and I knew we would get married. This SHOULD not be a good reason to let weight gain happen, I just think that is where my head was, in the clouds...not worried about it. I know this will sound so shallow to some, but I'm being honest here. Another thing that kept me oblivious to the weight was that my Dad and Ryan have both, ALWAYS told me how beautiful I was. I was never self conscious as a young girl and even at my heaviest I told myself "you may be heavy, but you have a pretty face". Wrong I know and no excuse, but I truly believe that having that in the back of my mind, somehow made me tolerate the weight for SO long. Luckily Ryan truly DID love me unconditionally!! I can NEVER, NEVER tell him how much that means to me! HE loves me for better or WORSE, REALLY!!
If you have never been heavy, I'm sure your thinking HOW in the HELL do you gain that much weight and not realize or CARE?!?! Being a person that did, it seems crazy but the answer is that it happens faster than you think, and almost unknowingly. I can gain 5-10 pounds in a few days if I don't REALLY watch my eating. So you gain 30, and think OK, Stop it. But....you don't and then it's 50, 60, 70....and before I knew it I was Obese and shopping in stores that I had NEVER even HEARD of!! I was SOOOOO unhappy. I remember my wedding day being so self conscience and thinking I AM that FAT bride, that I swore I wouldn't be. Don't get me wrong I was happy that I was marrying the LOVE of my life, but unhappy with my carelessness for my health and myself. When we got married Ryan and I made a major life change by moving to Mineola, where my Dad had two car dealerships. That was HUGE for us. Ryan and I had both always lived in Lufkin and we were newly married and moving to a place we knew NOBODY!!! We were happy in our first new home and getting settled in a new place, new jobs, BUT the weight KEPT coming. I LOVE to cook, it made me so happy to have a nice meal for my husband and so I cooked....A LOT!!!
I also ATE a lot!!! I have always been a snacker and I ate snacks ALL DAY and ate fast food. It was just OUT of Control!! I would start diets like Atkins, WW, etc. but NEVER stuck with them. I would start exercising and then quit after a week because it was hard, really hard when you are so over weight. When Ryan and I wanted to start a family I was so nervous about getting pregnant. I went to the doctor and he strongly advised my to lose weight BEFORE getting pregnant, but I have always been a get what I want NOW type of girl....so I did get pregnant, before I lost weight. Luckily even though I was so over weight I had an easy, safe pregnancy, but I did gain MORE weight. My life was just about perfect, EXCEPT my weight which continued to grow and make me UNHAPPY!!
Weight loss surgery was always something in the back of my head. I had been debating it for a while, but assumed that my parents and Ryan would not agree to it. It also made me extremely nervous because I had never been "put under" for surgery and now I had my son to think about. I truly knew that I needed help, I didn't think I could do it on my own and I knew it was time to CHANGE I wanted to be here to see my children grow up!!! Another surgery reason was that I had gained so much weight I had stopped ovulating and couldn't get pregnant again like I so desperately wanted. I approached Ryan and my parents about the surgery and they surprisingly both agreed and said what ever we need to do to help you, we will. This surgery was a BIG deal for Ryan and I not only was I worried about not coming out of it for Ryan and Barrett, but it was a big financial commitment for our family. I felt so bad for making Ryan spend the money on the surgery, because I couldn't lose the weight on my own. The night before the surgery I remember ALMOST backing out because I was SO scared. I didn't and I had the Lap Band Surgery in September of 07'. I realize that surgery is NOT for everyone, but for me it was absolutely the right decision. If you disagree please keep the comments to yourself, this is my story and if you don't like it, stop reading.
These pictures were taken a couple of days before my surgery.
After the surgery, that went great by the way. I initially lost 50 or so pounds really quick, like by December. In the meantime I had started ovulating again and surprisingly, I became pregnant, which happens alot after weight loss surgery. I immediately went to my doctor, because they do not recommend getting pregnant for a least a year after surgery. WHOOPS! That pregnancy unfortunately, was an ectopic pregnancy that didn't survive. I was very heart broken even though it was such a shock and unplanned. I soon realized how much I wanted to be pregnant and against the doctors advise, I became pregnant again. Like the next month. See, I told you I'm not the patient kind of girl! Thankfully I had another easy, safe pregnancy and I had my second beautiful boy, Jack!! After I had Jack I really got down to business. I wanted that 100 pounds gone! So, it was almost like starting over cause I had gained like 20 of the initial 50 back, so I had a ways to go!!
I really started exercising, hard....like 4-5 days a week. Body pump, zumba classes, and walking. Food is harder for me, and hard for me to share with you because I really can't eat. You might think, well then it should be easy for you to lose the weight, but not so much. While I was pregnant and nursing they had to remove the fluid from my band so that I could have enough calories to support the baby and ditto for nursing. When I finished nursing Jack at a year old, I never went back to have the lap band filled again. So technically I have the lap band on, but it is not filled so it doesn't restrict the size of my stomach as much as it would if it were filled. So I am somewhat doing it "on my own" so to speak. Don't get me wrong I cannot eat nearly like a normal person does, so it helps. It can also be a hindrance, because you cannot each much at a time and it seems like the healthy foods like salads, chicken, and veggies are hard to eat because if I don't chew them to mush I can't keep them down. TMI....sorry. Just being honest here!!
So to wrap this up, I have been working out REALLY hard and constantly. Last year I started with my personal trainer which I think really made a HUGE difference! I pretty much lost the weight by eating less and burning calories. I know that sounds so cliche and the same that everyone says, but it's the truth!! EAT LESS and BURN CALORIES and it will happen!! Not overnight, obviously, but you didn't gain it overnight either. This is just a short summary of my journey if you have any questions and would like to talk more, just email me, and I would be happy to talk to you personally!
OK, I won't tell you my actual weight, but this morning my scale confirmed my hard work by giving me that 100 pounds gone that I have been dying to see!!!!! I took these pics with my phone this morning after my walk, so excuse the HOT MESS that I am. I just couldn't wait to do this post!!
